When I started dating I had this idea of what it was going to be like, and the men I would date. While race has never been a concern for me, I did try to first date only Indian guys, and then any guys, and soon only non-Indian guys. I wanted the guy I would eventually marry be able to talk to my grandmother (who only spoke Punjabi) and get my brand of Punjabi which is heavily mixed with English. I figured someone like me, who came from an Indian background but was born in Canada, was out there. Culture was the most important to me. I like to read, write, watch classic movies, go to theatre, listen to country music and I think in English. Values are also key. I want an independent man who values family but also on their own. I don’t fit into my family exactly. I have ideas and interests that just don’t align with theirs and don’t get me. It was something that niggled at me for awhile, but now I realize they love me for me, and I am just eccentric af.
I am a hopeless romantic in that I believe that there is someone out there for me, and there is romance. I always assumed, ahem…books, movies and television, my dream guy would find me (insert meet cute) and we would have this conflict that would move us forward. He would have a grand gesture at hand, we would be happy…cue romantic proposal, BAM married at 27. First kid by 30 and I would a great job I love and ta da perfect life.
Hmmmm…27, and no one has found me. My grandmother asked me why I haven’t married yet…yeah, I am wondering that too. I know, I am not really trying to meet people, but still! I was feeling like Bridget Jones so it’s time for a change. I don’t drink, go clubbing or really party…and weirdly enough, cute nice boys are not loitering the libraries. I make a profile on POF.
The first several guys I meet are brown guys…a lot without pictures. Most wanted to hook up or looking to get married. The in between were no where to be seen. I will share some of those stories in future posts. SPOILER ALERT!!! After the interactions I experienced with men online, and getting to know men, I ended up dating mostly non-Indian men. When it comes to sexuality, romance and love – showing it and yet not demanding it, I steered towards a certain type. I am sure I am going to comments on this, but to head it off…this is just ME and MY experience. What I think and feel are my own…and everyone has their thing.
I still long for romance like in the classic movies, where a guy takes you out and treats you sweet and you banter…and the kiss is just…POW. But I’ve been hurt, and I have been ghosted, liked but not pursued, treated as an object, been called names, abused, etc so I am cynical as well. My heart is always out there and when my walls come down…I’m all in. But, life, my life at least, is not roses and chocolates. Or maybe I’m just not the girl that those things happen to…I’m confident and know I am worth someone’s time but seriously where is that guy???!!!